Transcript:
Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Milk Minute. Heather and I were just reminiscing about peak, like, YouTube humor in the 00s. Yeah, I finally showed my kids some of the Space Ghost and Brack show stuff that I was really into when I was their age.
And they, that was like the first time they really looked at me and they were like, you’re a weirdo. Like, we didn’t realize that you were a weirdo. This was funny. Do you not think this is funny right now, kids? I was like, this is a song about farting and beans, and they’re like, no, no, we get it. But like, But it’s just not funny, mom.
It’s you, and that’s weird. Yeah, I, so I showed the Potter puppet pals to my son when he was like really into Harry Potter and I showed him the mysterious ticking noise and he was like, okay. Yeah. Like, all right, mom. And I was like, this isn’t, you’re not laughing about this? Dumbledore! And he was like, no.
Seriously. Throw in shade. Well. I was like, look, Dumbledore’s naked now. Isn’t that funny? He’s like, no. No. You’ve trained me to know that nudity is not anything to laugh at. So I was watching Wish Upon a Unicorn with Heidi and Theo the other day, and the dad in that movie, I was like, who is this guy? I feel like I know him.
You guys want to know who the guy was? You ready for it? Hold on. in your childhood dreams. So why are you sharing all this information with me? Naked. Knock, knock, who’s there? Me again. Still wondering why you’re not naked. It’s this guy, right? Yeah. Show me your genitals.
Your genitals. Show me your genitals. Your genitalia! Yeah, they hired Show Me Your Genitals Guy to be the lead character in Wish Upon a Unicorn. I was like, stop. We, people can change, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t know if he changed for the better. Do you know what I found out? So the dad in Bluey was in a band.
He had apparently pretty popular Australian band, but when he sings, it sounds exactly like bandit singing. And I just like, I’m like, like I can’t, now it’s just, they have to do an episode where a bandit has a band because. I can’t, like, it’s, it’s just, it doesn’t, it’s just bandit singing. Bandit had a band, not that guy.
What we’re telling you is that this might not be our final act. We might show up in some other capacity for you someday and be like, that was the Milk Minute girl? You’d be like, wait, their voices are so familiar. I feel like I know her. Honestly, though, like, that’s how most people recognize us outside of the podcast, because they’re not like, a lot of people are not super familiar with our faces.
I get a lot of heads turned, like, while I’m, like, talking to my family and someone’s like, wait a minute. Wait. Like, my daughter’s gymnastics teacher listens, or she did, I, I don’t know if she listens anymore, but you know, when her baby’s little. Now that she knows you, she quit listening. And she was like, I, do you, you know, it was the same thing, she was like do you have a podcast?
And I was like, yeah, I do. Hilarious. And she heard me be like, Lyra, get off of there. Don’t have diarrhea in the foam pit. It’s a close call every time, you know? Every time, you just never know if you’re gonna make it out of there. But, any who Today, Back to breastfeeding. Today, we just wanted to remind you that even though you’re trying really hard, someday your kids are gonna think you’re a weirdo.
Absolutely. But you know what? There’s always room to improve. So that’s why today, this is a terrible segue, but you know what? It’s just, we’re, we’re actually still on our time off friends. Okay. And this is just, we’re just going to rerun one of our favorite episodes because we love it and we hope you love it too.
And it was one of your favorite episodes. Yeah. So we’re gonna play you guys the five ways to improve your breastfeeding. It’s a really good episode to like be ready to do stuff in. You know, and you can like sit down with a list and pause the episode and do things and it’ll be great. It’s very actionable.
It is. We want that for you. Take action. Make things better. Make things better and easier for yourself. Not better. We’re not talking about like better quality or like more volume. Better for you. Better for you. You deserve it. You should be happier. So we’re going to help you with that. All right. Now go turn on Old Greg on YouTube and watch that crazy video.
Did you drink Baileys from a shoe? Do you want to see my mangina? I call this one old Greg and this one, this one’s old Greg. What are you doing in my waters? I’m sorry. We’re going to go now. Goodbye. Welcome to the Milk Minute Podcast, everyone. We’re back. We’re better than ever. And today, we’re excited to tell you some ways that you can probably improve your life.
You might have been breastfeeding or pumping recently thinking, Oh my God, there is no way this could ever be better. This might be ruining my life. And we’re here to tell you there’s always some improvements that can be made. Absolutely, and I’m just gonna say, if you know anybody who’s pregnant right now, like, this is a good episode to send them.
Mm hmm, or especially if they’ve been already breastfeeding for six months, and it’s like, oh yeah, I’m a pro by now, I’ve completely changed my entire life just to incorporate breastfeeding. It’s like, well, maybe you have, but could it be better? What if, yeah, what if we didn’t change everything? Yeah, what if we just changed one thing and your quality of life improved drastically?
Exactly. But, before we do that, I do have some patrons to thank, which makes me so excited. Thank you, patrons. So, a big thank you to Sarah Kramer and Jill Inderstot. Is that correct? I think it’s Inderstrot. Inderstrot. I’m sorry, Jill. Maybe it’s Einderstrot. Jill, I thank you and I apologize sincerely. for butchering your last name in ten different ways just now.
But we do appreciate your contribution and your support. Yeah, in case you don’t know, patrons are people that support us monetarily with a small monthly donation. Sometimes not small. And they help to keep this project sustainable and keep this going and they get access to a behind the scenes video and early access to some episodes and…
I mean, they, like, they’re just in the know. They’re really helpful. They’re in the cool kids club, and like, we’ve never been in the cool kids club before. So this is a unique experience for us. They get to see pictures of us in our pajamas, with no makeup. It’s a whole vibe. So if you’d like to be a patron, you can go to Patreon.
com slash milk minute podcast. Mm hmm. Do you do you have a question for us, Heather? I do have a question. It’s a good one. Okay, I’m excited. Put your midwife hat on. Got it. On. What does a midwife hat look is it like a vagina hat from the rallies back in 2016? Well, I imagine the like little caps that they wear in Call the Midwife.
Oh, yes. They’re super cute, honestly. As long as it doesn’t look like a dunce hat. Ooh, unless it’s like it got an Albus Dumbledore vibe. That I could rock. Might get in the way during a cervical exam. Yeah, I feel like we just need these to be, like, business like. Like, you can tuck your hair under it, and bobby pin it on, and that bitch stays all night.
Okay, so today’s question is from one of our lovely patrons. Valerie Wilson. Valerie says, When should you seek out a medical professional for your period not returning postpartum? How long should you wait before worrying? I’m 13 months postpartum and still no period. I know it can be normal. I just thought it would have returned by now since I supplemented with formula for the first 10 weeks and then went back to work when he was 10 weeks.
So I was pumping. What the heck? This is a little bit of a tricky one, because if you asked your doctor, they’d probably say to come in, but then the answer would probably be like, well, here’s some birth control. And that’s not really an answer. When we look at, like, large polls of people, and when their periods return, it is all over the board.
And for a lot of people, it simply does not return until they fully wean. And that can be normal. I would say if it’s a problem for you, like if you are hoping to conceive again soon, or you keep feeling, say, like PMS symptoms, and not menstruating, and things are feeling really unbalanced, that’s a good time to ask your doctor.
But if you feel really healthy and normal, and you’re still breastfeeding, and you just aren’t having periods, I think you, I think you’re fine. So I actually did a poll in the Facebook group a couple weeks ago, asking how many months postpartum people were when their period returned. Would you like to know?
I would love to! Okay, so 369 people voted, which is actually pretty amazing. And 22 percent said their period returned after one year. 1 percent said that their cycle didn’t return until post weaning, which is interesting. 15 percent said after 6 months, and the rest of them are just like 1 5. 5 percent scattered between 1 month and 6 months.
Okay. So that’s like a whole range in there, and that’s probably indicative of like, returning to work, daycare, supplementation, all of those things kind of like, Throw a hitch in your breastfeeding giddy up and your ovaries start to awaken from their deep lactation slumber And you know, they like pop open an eyeball and your ovaries are like just saying if you need anything Would you like to get pregnant again?
I see that you have some free time that you’re using to work to support your family. Would you like to get pregnant? Surprise! I wasn’t paying attention. Did you give us enough percentages to add up to a hundred? I mean, sort of, but the main thing is a quarter of them almost returned after a year. Yeah, and we didn’t, like, specify within their between one and two years, just sometime after a year.
Right. Okay, yeah, and that’s a really significant number, and from the other, like, studies I’ve read and polls that I’ve seen, they’re, they all also have a significant number of people whose periods returned after a year or after two years. It’s statistically normal. But, you know, Valerie, you know your body best.
So, if you feel like this is a problem for you, you know, call your doctor, and I would say before you see them, just be like, what would you do? In this case. And, and if they want to, like, run some labs, or talk about birth control or whatever, that’s all fine, but I would just ask them that before you go in.
Right, and I guess it depends what your goal is. If you’re trying to get pregnant again, because this is where I see a lot of people that are more concerned about it than others, it’s like, when is my cycle going to return, because we’d like to start planning to have another one, is there something I need to do about it?
The answer is, nope. Not really. I mean, at this point, it’s kind of hit or miss. You can get some ovulation strips to see if you’re actually ovulating, but not completing the cycle. That’s interesting. But really, if you’re not trying to get pregnant, and it’s just delayed return of your menses, then you can assume everything’s probably working okay, since you just it’s not.
Literally just grew an entire human and birthed it, not very long ago. Yeah, not long ago. It was all functioning perfectly, so give yourself a minute, you know, and don’t blame yourself. Yeah. Well, I think that is a great note to start our episode on. Me too.
Alright, it’s Maureen here, and I want to tell you that I have finally set up a link so you can instantly book virtual lactation consults with me. Oh, thank the lord. I know Heather, it took me a long time to take the leap from in person visits to virtual, but I did it! You’re going to love it. I love doing virtual consults.
They are the best. It serves more people. I’m so glad you took the plunge. Thank you. And if you guys out there want to book some time with me, you can go to HighlandBirthSupport. com and then click on my Lactation Services tab. Is that H I G H L A N D? Yes. Okay. I will see you on Zoom, everybody.
Today we’re talking about five ways that you can improve your breastfeeding journey. And actually, I had a very funny conversation with a friend of mine this morning about calling it a journey, and she was saying she always thinks of Alexis from Schitt’s Creek when somebody uses that word. I’m on a journey, David.
Yeah. So anyway, come on our journey with us. Yes. All right, what’s up first? Okay, so number one is to watch your baby, not the clock. And this isn’t just in the beginning. I mean for the entire journey. Yes, I, I feel like the time people struggle most with this is in the first three months and then after a year.
Mm hmm. Well, maybe after nine months. Right, but close to that time. Right, because, you know, your baby is going to be changing all the time and With that, your breast milk changes all the time. So, things are going to look different month to month. And so, especially in the beginning when things are getting regulated, and especially around 7, 8, 9 months when baby’s developmental priorities start to change, and they’re including solids now, we can expect a lot of changes at the breast as far as schedule and time.
We got sleeping things that are happening. Yeah. So… Yeah, I would say just watch your baby before you panic. And you’re like, Oh my gosh, I know I’m starving them. Just look at them. Do they, I know they just ate for four and a half minutes, but do they look like they’re starving? Great. They’re not. Well, and you know, I think let’s start at the beginning, right?
Cause this is when everybody starts to worry about this, especially those who have hospital births and some nurse comes in and they’re like, Oh, just feed your baby every two to three hours. And they leave. And you’re like, okay, so I’m setting a timer for every two hours to feed my baby. Fifteen minutes on each breast.
Right. And that’s super outdated. We do not schedule feeds for healthy babies anymore. You know, if your baby’s in the NICU or has some medical needs, especially ones that prevent them from showing you hunger cues, that’s a totally different story. But you’ve got a normal term baby. And we need to trust them to show us that they’re hungry.
And that’s really hard. But, you know, until proven otherwise, we need to trust them that they can do that. Well, I think the people that struggle the most with this are people that had a rough start. You know, maybe your baby lost more than 10 percent of their birth weight. Maybe they were jaundice.
Maybe someone uninformed had you triple feeding for eight weeks and now your baby’s actually fine. But like you have to do, we have to test it. We have to see, are we over that hump or not? So, you know, if you’re feeling stressed about it, work with a professional to get you through it. You know, that’s what we’re here for.
It’s not like you have to take a flying leap and with your eyes closed Tons of anxiety, you know, do that with us, do that with a friend, do that with somebody that has experience with kids who can reassure you that you’re not starving your baby. A good professional, like us, can also give you tools to use for self-assessing your baby, right?
Like, tracking poops and pees, understanding what signs of dehydration and, like, lethargy look like in infants, because they’re not the same as adults. And having those tools can really help you to feel more confident in paying attention to your baby and their cues, rather than a schedule. Now, we do have to say in the case that you have a baby that literally just does not come off the breast or is feeding like an hour at a time, don’t limit their feeds, but do seek some help because that usually tells us they’re having some kind of problem getting enough milk and they’re compensating for that by feeding longer.
So don’t cut their feeds because those longer feeds are helping them. Right? But do, like, talk to lactation, talk to OT, and kind of try to figure out how you can help your baby then be more efficient at feeding. Right. And, you know, in addition to watching the baby, not the clock, we’re watching you, too. Yes.
Like, watch yourself. If you’re, like, Losing your mind because your baby is nursing for 40 minutes at a clip every hour and the minute you take them off the breast They are crying and fussy and they look stressed with a furrowed brow and you feel your anxiety creeping up That’s time to call somebody, you know, trust your gut trust your intuition I think one of the things that’s the hardest for us this day and age being parents is that we have so much information accessible to us all the time with the internet that we have this crazy pressure to do everything right.
Yeah. And there’s like eight right ways to do everything. So we start to not trust our intuition as much. Yeah. And I don’t know about you, but I think a lot of us were raised in a way that really made us. Like, a lot of the messaging I got as a kid in the 90s, and the early oughts, now we get to call that.
Oh, anyway. Wait, what did you just say? The early oughts, the O Os. Oh, I’ve not heard that, but I like it. Yeah, it’s cute. It feels cuter than saying 20 years ago. Anyway, a lot of the messaging I got there was to be a people pleaser. And not to pay attention to myself and my feelings and my intuition, and instead to try and help other people feel better.
And a lot of us millennial parents are in that situation where we’re trying to sort through all that shit in order to be healthy humans now. So, you know, I get it, we’re there with you, and it’s something we’re all trying to work through, but don’t, don’t put yourself aside. if your mental health is really suffering here.
Yeah, and don’t be afraid of the answer either. You know, because it could be better. It could be one easy thing where we’re like, Oh, you know, this is the problem and then your problem is fixed and we just saved you three months of stress and anxiety. So, you know, trust your baby if they are medically well and trust yourself if you feel like something’s not right.
Well, number two is to find a way to simplify your life. Maybe you can stop pumping and use a haka, which is like one part to clean instead of dozens. Maybe you don’t need to pump. Maybe you can breastfeed while carrying baby in a carrier so you can, like, move while you’re feeding. Right. Maybe we need to outsource something that’s bothering you.
Like maybe you can invest in a housekeeper. I know not everybody is able to do that, but you might be able to ask a friend, be like, instead of making me a casserole, would you mind coming over and just putting my laundry away? It’s really bothering me. You know, have a really honest conversation with your partner about.
New ways to divvy up the household responsibilities and make sure you say, you know, this doesn’t have to be forever maybe you actually like cleaning the house like I have a friend like this who loves cleaning the house and She is so frustrated by the fact that she can’t clean the house and feed the baby at the same time And so her and her husband had to have a conversation about the fact that like this is a temporary arrangement I will allow you to clean the house and try very hard not to criticize you when you mop incorrectly.
And I’m just going to be thankful for it. And in three months or so, when I come out of this breastfeeding cloud, I am going to get back to doing this and we’re going to make a new plan. You know, what I had to do was shift my mindset about the house being clean and just be like, you know what? The rooms take turns.
And today the playroom gets to be clean and tomorrow it’s the kitchen and our upstairs kind of feels like one room to me because we’re not up there as much. So like then it’s the upstairs after. And then like, you know, I have like a monthly reset where like everybody leaves the house and I clean it all.
But, like, having that kind of mindset shift really helped simplify it for me. Because then I was like, okay, today we’re probably just going to spend the day in this room, and I’m going to clean as we go, and I’m not going to worry about the rest of it. Right. Just simplifying. I would say, like, less things.
And also, you know, I… I think there’s a reason why everyone’s obsessed with those minimalist people on Instagram. It’s just because our life has so much crap, you know, if your, if your issue is like, there’s just stuff everywhere. Just get rid of the stuff. Yeah, maybe if you’re not ready to throw it out or sort it, just put it in totes or bags and just shove all of it in the basement and deal with it in a year.
We call those doom boxes. Doom boxes, where just, like, all the things you can’t find a place for, you just put it in a box and put it somewhere you don’t look at. That’s what they’re called in my house. Mm hmm. And, like, there’s a certain number of these that becomes unsustainable, but, like, honestly, they’re pretty great.
I, I also do what I call the depression sink. Oh my god. When I can’t do the dishes and I just can’t get on top of it, I take everything, I rinse it a little bit, I put it upside down in the sink, I spray a little disinfectant on the top, and I just let it go. And I’m like, go with God, I’ll wash you when I can.
Oh, that’s so funny. And just, you know, simplifying things like, did you register accidentally for eight different types of bottles and now you have rings, nipples, bases, gas prevention plugs, like just get rid of all the bottles except for one type so you never have to try to find and locate all of the little parts that go with each bottle.
This is a problem I’m having, and it’s all of your fault at home, by the way. Because I have so many breast pumps now, so I can review them for you guys. We have more episodes with reviews coming up. But I just had a day where I used like four different ones. And then washed them all, and then tried to fit them all in the drying rack.
And it was such a disaster. Oh my gosh, I can’t even imagine. That must have taken an hour. It was, yeah, well, my husband washed most of them. But then, like, when I put them in the drying rack, I, I, like, group like things together, and he doesn’t. So I was trying to put them back together, and I was like, I’m like, there’s a mountain, and I have to take out the medulla parts before the spectra part, but they’re mixed in together.
Anyway, don’t do that, everybody. Don’t do it. Same with binkies, you know. Just pick one, stick with one, and if you’re pregnant listening to this, hear me now. Just register for one type. And if your baby doesn’t like it, they will, if you just keep giving them the same exact one over and over and that’s the only option.
Remember, this baby moved in with you. You didn’t move in with the baby. Yeah, and I think, like, You know, I struggled with this more the first six months and some days I would be like, okay It’s already a hard day and I have not even finished my coffee. So today I’m gonna do I mean clearly I’m gonna keep the kids alive right if I’m staying home with them, but I’m gonna do one thing One other thing, one goal.
Maybe that’s the dishes. Maybe it’s picking up toys. Maybe my goal is to go outside and Sit in the grass with my kids like and just take the giant to do list We all have in our heads and be like that is not today’s problem. Mm hmm and Speaking of those things like plans and goals Maybe your kids don’t have to do soccer baseball lacrosse And wrestling.
I’m a big fan of this because my kid does none of it. Yeah. We do one thing at a time. And, you know, if you think your kid is going to be an Olympian, then obviously you need to put your resources there. But they’re not going to be an Olympian at every sport. Just pick one, you know, one to focus on because you’re going to be a better parent, not feeling like you have to rush around everywhere.
And lately, I have been a big proponent of Reserving my weekends, at least one weekend day, to do nothing. Because, guess what I do on the, on that day? I do things, still, but it’s like things for me. Like, you know, maybe I want to actually have a slow morning. And then around 10 a. m. is when I start thinking about organizing one corner of my house.
And that’s like small goals. Just small. Yeah. Well, and sometimes you’re like, it’s literally the top of my dresser that’s been driving me crazy. Yep. Because I have to look at it all the time. And it takes ten minutes, but I haven’t had ten minutes to spare in four weeks. Mm hmm. Give yourself one day, guys, just one.
And that leads us right into number three. Oh, tell me what it is. Number three is solve the problem. Just one? So, we have to figure out what actually is the problem. Oh, I see. So, breastfeeding gets blamed a lot because it’s the new kid on the block. So it’s this new activity that’s taking up a lot of time in your life, but it actually might not be the activity that’s bothering you.
Is it breastfeeding that’s bothering you, or is it something else that’s bothering you now that breastfeeding is taking up so much of your time? Right. And this is often perpetuated by the people around us, who are no longer accessing our free time because we’re breastfeeding. So, you know, like, if you weren’t breastfeeding so much, we would be able to fill in the blank.
Hmm. You know, so we get a lot of this pressure externally. Basically, making breastfeeding the bad guy. And maybe it is. Maybe breastfeeding is absolutely destroying your life. But, let me pose a few examples. Maybe the problem is you are exhausted. So, solve THE problem. THE problem is exhaustion. Find a way to schedule in some sleep for the next couple of days.
It might mean that you pump before you go to bed and let your partner do the 11pm feeding just for a couple days. Are you like talking to me? I’m literally looking you dead into your soul. I feel like this whole list is just going to be like minor personal attacks. But I’m trying to help you. I know that, but you know.
Sometimes it’s hard not to feel defensive about that. Yeah. Like, you know, especially when you know that’s the help you need, but you didn’t ask. Mm hmm. Yeah. So, if you’re feeling personally attacked by this, I apologize in advance, but also, maybe. It is the problem that needs solving. And, like, if you are, you’re probably also a Virgo, like me.
Anyways. All the Sagittarius’s are like, Just tell me what I need to do so I can go back to doing what I was doing before. It’s like the Virgos and Taurus’s at home that are like, Oh, how do you know what I need, but I didn’t ask you, but I should be better at solving this problem than you. That’s actually very accurate, and I was thinking we need to do a whole episode on, like, Enneagram types for breastfeeding.
Oh, that would be so fun! Because, like, I am a solid Enneagram 8. I’m actually can’t remember, I can’t remember what I am, but I’ve taken that test so many times, so I should do it again. Well, take it again, we should discuss. We’ll put it in Patreon. That’ll be a fun one. Okay, so here’s another example. of a problem that might be the problem instead of breastfeeding.
So, maybe the problem is that you actually feel like you aren’t focused at work. You just hit the nail on the head, like, directly again. Yeah. So, in this situation, we would want you to communicate with your partner. about blocking off some time so you could strictly focus on work for a few hours. For example, you could feed baby before, work that block of time, and then feed directly after.
So you could work a solid three hour block and maybe that would just make your brain feel a little bit better and be like, Oh, actually I love breastfeeding. Actually, now that I got that thing done, I don’t feel like such a big ol P. O. S. You know, it actually, like, it feels like a relief to breastfeed after that sometimes, rather than a chore.
Right. Right. Exactly. And it’s, it’s very easy, I, I suffer from this. I really do. Because guess what? I’m not breastfeeding anymore, and I still feel this way about anything to do with my children. So, if the problem is that I don’t feel focused at work because of my children, then I’m clearly mixing those two things at times that I should not be.
So, blocking my time, like, I literally put my phone down when I go outside with my kids, and I will be out there for an hour. I get back in, I have 35 text messages, and I’m like, thank God I didn’t bring my phone out with me. No one has died in the past hour, you know? But I was fully focused with my kids, and then I come back, and I work for an hour.
I tell my husband now, I need one hour, I need to sit down, I got to chart. I have to blah, blah, blah with my patients. And I’m not perfect at this, but this is something that has really affected my mental health positively, working towards being better at boundaries in chunks. And that takes practice. So if you think that when you quit breastfeeding, that’s going to get better, you are dead wrong.
Yeah. It really just like the block of time that you were breastfeeding turns into some other thing that your children need you for. It will, because guess what? They love you so much. They want all of you. They want to climb back inside you. They want to unzip your body, crawl back in, and. Take all of it.
My six year old is particularly prone to this. Like, he’ll climb in bed with me, and then he’ll, like… He’s a giant, by the way. He’s, like, four foot two, and he’s six. And he’ll climb in bed and, like, contort his long, skinny body so it, like, fits just on my torso. And then he like, like slowly sinks into me.
Oh, God. And he just like, like wants to be one with me. Well, this brings us to the next part. Oh, no. So, maybe the problem is that you’re over touched and feeling guilty about not wanting intimacy. I’m sorry. It’s just like, I, Heather, I feel like you just like put a nanny cam in my house and you were like, what are the problems Maureen has that I can just solve for her in this episode?
Well, you know, actually I was just thinking about me because I was like all the, all the time that I spent being mad at breastfeeding never went away. And I was like, wait, now I’m not breast, and this is why people are like, oh, I miss breastfeeding, like, remember when I used to breastfeed, it was so sweet, and it’s like, you, you miss it when it’s gone, but you resent it at the time, and it’s like, how can we help you not resent it and solve a different problem?
Humans are just so bad at life. Yeah, so, I do have a couple suggestions, though, because I don’t want to just, like, stir the shitpot and then leave you hanging. No, yes, we’re, you’re, you’re doing, you’re doing well at that. So we have to find intimacy in a different way, other than being touched. And I actually found a really cool app.
Stop it. Cause you’re going to say paired and my freaking husband has made me get on this app. Yes. I hate it. No, he knows this. I mean, I’m trying. So he said it was like important to him and he sent me the invite and took me like a month to download it. And I finally did. And like half of the Quizzes they do on there are the kind of questions that actually make me want to lose my mind.
Where they’re like, you know those multiple choice ones where it’s like six options between strongly disagree and strongly agree? I, if every multiple choice test in school had been like that, I would have had an F. On everyone. But there’s no right or wrong answer. That’s the problem. Maureen, let it go.
It’s supposed to be fun. First of all, you skipped right over what it actually is, so people are probably like, what is she even talking about? Go ahead and explain it. So, I like this app, actually. It’s called Paired, where you and your partner get on the app together, and then you each answer the same question every day, and you can’t see their answer until you’ve answered.
So, like, today, Our question was about money, and the way I answered it was definitely not at all how he answered it, but we didn’t know that before. So then it gives you something else to talk about that doesn’t involve your kid. It’s, it’s true. And it’s like, I think it works well for most people as just like a fun way to start a new conversation.
I just can’t be wrong. Oh my god, you have got to get out of your head on this one, it’s supposed to be fun. So, I don’t know that I’m actually able to, like, I know that that sounds funny, but anyway, I’m waiting on an appointment with a new psychologist to do some assessments and see why my brain is like this.
Because I, I try not to be like this, and it actually causes me, like, physical pain. Oh man, well then don’t do it. So anyway, I’m trying to do this app with him, but I’m just ignoring all the questions that are like that. Like if I can’t type out an answer, I’m like, yeah, we’re I’m not agreeing nor disagreeing.
I’m not answering because Well, maybe the everyday thing is too stressful. They have a They have like little games that you can play like little challenges. Oh, that’s a good idea where instead of doing every day you can just answer 15 questions or whatever, all at once about one topic. And it can be like, if you’re still pregnant, for example, they have a whole grouping of questions that says, you know, the question block of pre baby.
So how would you like to raise your kids? Would you like to raise your kids the same way you were raised? You know, which can bring up a lot of really important stuff. It doesn’t even. It doesn’t always mean it’s easy, but you know, like, how did you, what is the one thing in your life that you appreciate the most right now?
And you know, your partner who might not actually be that good at communicating might type something super sweet about how much they appreciate you. And it’s kind of like a nice way to get closer together and get to know each other a little better. I dig it. It’s funny because I’m the one who’s not as good at communicating, and my husband is the over communicator, so he was thinking this would be like a good way to bridge the gap, and I’m going to keep trying, but I think, I think I was set back in that the first couple times I tried it, it was just questions like that, and I wanted to throw my phone across the room.
Okay, well try, try again. And, you know, if it’s not serving, you get rid of it. That’s the whole point of this episode today. Anyway, this is not an episode about paired. Yeah, this was about something else. Oh my god, you’re so stressed. I’m so stressed now. I just like got flushed. Take a deep cleansing breath.
Okay, so, last example of a problem. Is the actual problem that your general flow of your house is not ideal for breastfeeding. Oh, I like that. So this was a big one for me. So, for example, a lot of people in an ideal situation have several areas of their home where they are very comfortable breastfeeding.
Little stations, if you will. Satellite lactation areas. They have also several Areas to change diapers that’s always stocked and ready to go. They have counter space in their kitchen for their pumping parts. Things like this. You know, they have extra bottle brushes or one special silicone sponge that is meant for the pump parts only.
Yeah, this is a big, this is a big thing that I push with people right before they have their baby. I’m like, imagine you have a fragile little baby. Any room in your house, you should be able to put them down safely, change their diaper, and feed them comfortably. Mm hmm. But they should not all be the same, especially when they get to be like three to six months old and they need some more stimulation.
Like, okay, living room has the flat mat with the mirror and the kitchen has a little swing and your bedroom has the bassinet and so you have like variety and so does your baby. Mm hmm. There is… Also, for example, the clothing situation gets out of control with the burp rags and all that stuff. Just all over the house.
So, here’s my hot tip. So, I would get A big, maybe not even big, actually, you know those bags that comforters come in? Oh, those are nice, like storage cubes? Yes, I always keep something like that next to the dresser, because there are those times that you go to dress your baby and you’re like, what? This doesn’t fit?
Okay, put it directly in that bag while it’s clean, and just when the bag is full, you label it. Three to six months. Zip it up and put it in the basement. That way those clothes don’t continuously get recirculated. Same thing goes for throwaway stuff. Like, completely destroyed with poop. Completely destroyed with spit up, not even worth washing.
Put it in this area, zip it up, and throw it away whenever you’re done with it, whenever it’s full. So, just to kind of keep your flow a little bit better that way. And then also, make sure wherever you’re setting up your Breastfeeding or pumping station has an outlet nearby for phone charging and for pumping.
Yeah, and when my daughter was little, especially when my husband was working out of town, every night after the kids were both asleep, even if the baby was going to wake up in like 10 minutes, I would do the dishes and then I would reset all of the stations. Fresh diapers, make sure there’s wipes. Bottle of water, a phone charger, you know, burp rag, whatever, in every single room.
Yep, and your partner can do that too. Yeah. And if you are already three months into your breastfeeding journey and you’re like, yes, this is me, but also I don’t have time to do that now or the mental capacity. That’s fine. Phone a friend and ask your best friend to come over and be like, can I sit on the couch and breastfeed while you reorganize this shit for me?
You make other breastfeeding stations for me. Thank you. Yeah. And it probably won’t take that long. It just needs somebody to start it and needs it to be done. So you can do this. Phone your friend. Get your stations set up. Yeah, okay. The next one, number four, is to invest in some breastfeeding things that actually make breastfeeding feel like luxurious for you.
Instead of Something that you suffer through as, like, less than human. Yeah, I am very guilty of this one. I personally attacked myself. Because you never bought a pumping bra! Never bought a pumping bra. Did not actually… Invest in a cooler of any kind. I used Kroger bags, like the plastic Kroger bags to throw all my pump parts in wet or dry.
And when they were wet, I just shoved paper towels in the holes of the flanges. I literally did that. Heather. So this is actually an area I’m doing well in probably because of the podcast. Thank you. Cause I’m like, I need to try all these things for all of you guys. Cause I’m never breastfeeding again.
Yeah. Well, let me tell you what. It was not pleasant, and I had no desire to continue breastfeeding beyond a year, especially with Theo, because I had none of the gear, and I was like, well, I’m already six months in, why would I invest in any of this stuff now? And don’t, don’t let yourself say that, especially for simple, small things, like I just bought some new, cute, wet, dry bags.
And I was like, Oh, my baby’s a year old. I may not even pump that much longer. But then I was like, no, no, no. They’re 10 bucks each. Also the amount of times I’ve used them to haul like peed or pooped on clothes home from the park is like. Amazing. Yeah, and also you can continue to use them for other things, like if you use period panties or the reusable, washable pads, those are great.
And like, those are the kind of things I really love, right? It’s useful for breastfeeding and it’s gonna keep being useful, like the series Chill. because I’m going to put wine in that later. Yeah. If you don’t know what the series chill milk storage system is, we’ll link it in the show notes and you can, we actually have a promo code.
You can use a checkout it’s milk minute 15 for 15 percent off. And this thing is the ball. Yeah. And like, okay. If you’re getting a nursing bra, get a nice enough one that you’re gonna feel comfortable in it after you’re done nursing. Because bad news, even if it’s not comfortable and it’s ugly as shit, you’re still gonna wear it for like three more years before you’re like, Hmm, maybe I’m worth enough to actually buy myself new bras.
Yeah, and you’re gonna wear it basically until you notice that it like doesn’t fit your body in any way, and then you’re gonna wear it for like three more months. Mm hmm. Yeah, pretty much or like you go to finally put on an outfit for date night or something and you’re like, oh man None of these old nursing bras are gonna work with this shirt.
Maybe it’s time. You know, I wasn’t very good at this the first time around and for pumping I had just like Take in cheap sports bras and cut holes in them. And my son, like, it was literally like three years ago that I finally bought new bras because I was still accidentally pulling those ones with cut holes in them out of my drawer when I was trying to get dressed.
And I put them on and my nipples would just like poke out the holes and I’d throw it back in the laundry and then it would get recycled. My God. Yes, this is what I’m talking about you guys. You are worthy of getting the tools you need to breastfeed and pump comfortably. Yeah. So, last one with that is, are your nipples just a little bit over pumping at work?
They’re like over it, like it doesn’t necessarily hurt, it’s not painful, but it’s just not something you look forward to. Invest in a nipple cushion. Like a Bojen insert to cushion your nips and get you through your pumping session with ease. Yeah, and so many of these things that will help you out so much are really less than 20.
Yeah, take the plunge. Yeah. Your nipples are worth it. Alright, number five. Tell me. Lasty but not leasty, reevaluate your goals and your mindset about breastfeeding. Every day, please. Every day, every, at least once a month. It doesn’t have to be stressful, too. Or like, I think. Allow yourself to change your mind, yeah, is the core of this, and to change your goals.
And I think a lot of us… In the United States have been raised under the concept that you basically, like, are not allowed to change your mind because that makes you, like, an unreliable waffle, a flip flop. Remember all those political like, those political commercials as a kid that were like, oh, you know, like, whatever democratic presidential candidate is just a waffle or a flip flop?
Like, I feel like I heard that every day of my life as a child. And it basically told me I wasn’t allowed to change my mind to fit new situations. Yeah. You were born a Republican and you’re going to die a Republican. Right. And like, that’s not true. No. And, you know, your circumstances change drastically when you have a baby.
Like, raise your hand here if the minute you got pregnant you also moved and got a new job. Hello! Literally everyone. So, and why does that happen? I do not know. I don’t know. I am literally moved into a new house. It’s three days before I had my baby. Right, exactly. The first time. Exactly. Or the minute you quit your job, you’re surprise pregnant, and you’re like, oops, where’s my health insurance?
I shouldn’t see a doctor till I get that, because it’s a preexisting condition. America. So yeah, so what I mean is, like, maybe when you were pregnant, you had the goal to breastfeed beyond a year of age. And now you’re six months in, and also full of anxiety about feeding for another six months. Right.
So if you’re feeling a lot of anxiety about that, ask yourself why. Revisit numbers one through four above, and see if any of those things are the actual problem. Or maybe you had originally planned to combo feed with formula. But it turns out you actually really like breastfeeding and it’s going really well and you want to keep going but everybody else in your life like daycare and dad and other mom or grandma have been enjoying bottle feeding with formula and you no longer want to do that.
Right. You know? Or like the opposite, right? Where you’re like, I’m going to exclusively breastfeed from my body. And four months in, you’re like, going crazy. Mm hmm. And what if you did just use a bottle of formula every day? What if you did? It would be fine. What if you did? Yeah. Maybe you weaned, and now you regret it, and you want to re lactate.
Right? Give it a go! I once again, feel like you’re slightly attacking me. But this is an interesting one. So, with my son, I breastfed him until he was almost four. The long haul. But I felt like, basically, the first year with him was just every day was so hard to keep breastfeeding. And by the time I got through that, I was like, I’m never gonna wean.
Cause that was so fucking hard. You know, I’m, I just, I’m half to breastfeed forever now. And now with my daughter, the first year was not very hard. I knew, you know, like, the problems we had, I knew how to fix. And at a year, I’m like, what if we didn’t? Yeah. What if we just didn’t? That like, it feels like an option.
How different are you as a person now than you were at 25? Yeah. And I also know now too, especially I am one of those people who only gains weight while breastfeeding. I don’t do well in a low estrogen state. I am larger now than I was when I was pregnant with her, but also thanks hyper emesis. So that is kind of a weird mind fuck for me.
But yeah, like the other day I was sitting there and I was just like, What if they, what if we stopped? What if we were two people instead of one? And I’m not, I don’t think I’m going to wean anytime soon. But it was actually really nice that that thought came, and I didn’t immediately, like, attack myself for it.
Yeah, let those thoughts come in, and don’t judge them. You know, so basically what we’re saying is, all of this is okay and normal. And we’re just human beings, and it’s okay to change your mind, and you’re not living your life trying to achieve some impossible standard of someone you follow on Instagram.
You are not your best friend. You are not your mother, and you are you, and you is great. Yes, I hope that you guys now suddenly feel like you can make something easier. Because I do. I mean, sort of. And, and if you did make one of these changes today, can you email us at milkminutepodcast at gmail dot com and tell us your story?
We would love to know how we improved your life today. Or how you improved your life, really. And, and I think hearing those stories really helps to inspire other people. Even simple things. Even if you’re just like, Look, I put a bag of M& M’s in every room, and now when I nurse I eat M& M’s, and it’s awesome.
That’s a good one. Yeah. And we’re gonna be like, fuck yeah. It makes my day. Thank you, M& M’s. Sponsored by M& M’s. Just kidding. It’s not. Unless they want to. Call me.
Do you have a baby that struggles with excessive gas, fussiness, colic, and general sleep problems? Well I did, but then I used Avivo Probiotics. Avivo is a pediatrician approved probiotic for babies that’s even used in NICUs on the gentlest tummies all over the United States. It is an amazing, unique product that contains a specific strain of B.
Infantis that we need. to digest human milk oligosaccharides. That’s actually 15 percent of breast milk that your baby will then be able to utilize, whereas if you don’t have the bacteria, there’s so much extra in the gut, which is why American babies poop like 10 times a day more than babies that are colonized with B.
infantis. I have personally seen this probiotic help my baby and the babies of many of my clients, and frankly, if we’re dealing with any of these symptoms, It is the first thing I go to. And the best part is, it’s not like any other probiotic that we would take when we’re sick or taking antibiotics, where you take it every time you go through antibiotics for the rest of your life.
If you give your baby Evivo in the first hundred days of life, it actually colonizes in their gut. And becomes a part of their immune system, which then they can pass to the next generation. And this is how we make change, y’all. Avivo is amazing because it’s going to safeguard your baby’s health today and give you peace of mind in the future.
Check out Avivo probiotics through the link in our show notes. And enter code MILKMINUTE for 10 off.
Who are we going to give an award to today? Listen, it’s good. Okay, I’m so excited. So today’s award goes to Kelsey Z. She’s a patron of ours. And Kelsey says, In eight days, my son and I will make it to one year of breastfeeding. Woohoo! I’m also taking my CLC exam next week. So I’m celebrating with the assumption that I’ll pass.
Fingers crossed. We are so excited for you. That’s so wonderful. That is. And I just want to say, I see a lot of people in their breastfeeding postpartum state who also tackle big goals. And I really think it’s because there’s something about being in this motherhood space that makes us more creative.
Yeah. And I, I think also it makes us want to do better for ourselves. Yeah. Because we see these kids and we’re like, oh shit, I have to be the best version of myself now. Yeah. So you’re out there crushing it. I can’t just be a dirtbag anymore. You were never a dirtbag. That’s, no, it’s okay. But sometimes I feel like that.
Anyway, this is not about me. This is about Kelsey and how amazing she is. Kelsey, we’re going to give you the Triumphant VIP Award. Hell yeah we are. I hope you like it. Anyway, I’m really excited for you to be a CLC. Of course you are going to pass that exam. My tip is that, like, you should actually study the statistics and the boring part because it’s on there.
Don’t just look at the pictures. Okay, bye. Those are the only ones I got wrong. Well, thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of the Milk Minute. The way that we change this big world and this crazy system that is not set up to support lactating parents is by educating ourselves and our friends and family.
If you would like to help support the show and continue our project, you can make a small monetary donation for as little as 1 a month on our Patreon at patreon. com slash milk minute podcast. Yes, it is. Thanks everybody. Bye bye.
