Transcript:
*We apologize for any typos, misspellings or incorrect grammar. Our transcript is auto-generated by software that’s trying its best, just like all of us.*
Hey, besties. We’re back for a special a special, extra funny episode, I hope. Yeah. We’re letting you take the wheel today and tell us your breastfeeding mishaps in honor of our almost April Fool’s day, if you celebrate that.
Yeah, so of course, since April Fools is all about all things funny, we thought we would bring you an episode about the funny parts of breastfeeding because honestly, this is a hard job. Okay? It is hard to breastfeed your baby, and we have to laugh about it or we will be crying, right? And just because you had a baby does not mean that you stopped doing everything else that you were doing in life.
Mm-hmm, you’ve got errands to run, social events to attend. You got work to do. You’ve got households to manage. And when we stretch ourselves really thin, accidents and bloopers are bound to happen. Yes. And I’m hoping these stories from other listeners are going to remind you that nobody is perfect.
And that we should find the humor in our mistakes and mishaps. Yes. Laugh at yourself, and most importantly, laugh at others. On that note, I’m gonna remind you, we offer private consultation, and if you’re interested, there are always, always, always links in our show notes. That is not a not a joke.
April Fools. But you know, you know what is a joke that we forgot to mention on our hundred and 50th episode? Oh my God. That it was our hundred 50th episode. We are professionally a little bit of a joke sometimes. We forget to celebrate ourselves regularly. We do. So Pat on the back to us at episode 154 that we made it to 150 episodes.
That feels big to me. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. We’re just a couple months away from three years actually. How many days have we spent talking to you? I don’t know. A lot. Wow. Are you about to do math? Maybe I’m just gonna estimate, you know, for estimating that like each episode is about an hour. That’s six full days.
Oh my gosh. We’ve spent a week talking to ya. Oh, nice. Night and day. Welcome to the Milk Minute retreat everyone. A breastfeeding intensive. If anybody has ever listened to every single episode back to back non-stop, I would like you to call me and also call your therapist. Yeah. Alright. Let’s thank a couple of our patrons.
Oh yeah. Okay. So today I’m gonna thank Pam from Minnesota. And then let’s see who else. We have Charlotte from Detroit. Yes, Pam and Charlotte. Thanks so much for being a part of our Patreon. We appreciate all of the support that you give us. All right let’s take a minute to thank one of our sponsors, and when we come back, we are going to answer a question about solids and balancing nursing with an older baby.
Have you guys ever been listening to our show and thought to yourself, man, I really wanna work one-on-one with Maureen? I do. Every day that I sit here, podcasting across from you, well lucky for you and everybody at home. I offer both in-person and virtual support through my business and in my business.
Highland Birth Support. I’m dedicated to mentoring you guys through your childbearing year. So that could start with fertility all the way through pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum. I offer home birth, midwifery services, doula services, lactation support, herbal support, anything you guys need. You even do miscarriage support.
Absolutely. I do. That’s one of the biggest things that is so hard to find, and I think that your people that are local to you are so incredibly lucky to have this service. Thank you. And I just feel really happy to serve everybody and I’m so happy I can expand my services virtually as well. Yeah.
Telehealth for lactation has. Really important through the pandemic, and I think we just about got it perfected at this point. So if you guys wanna work with me, head over to highland birth support.com and check out what I can offer you. That’s H I G H L A N D, birth support.com.
All right. Welcome back everybody. We have a question from Aislinn from Minnesota. All right. Aislinn says, my 11 month old daughter could go all day with just a handful of minutes nursing, ugh. Yeah, but wants to nurse at night. I think her new skills like walking, have her excited to move and not stop all day long.
She’s eating larger amounts of solid food and I’m not sure how to be balancing the solids and nursing. How do I know how to time snacks, solid meals, nursing? It’s making me feel crazy. I want to continue nursing as long as it’s working for both of us. I just don’t know how much she’s ever getting day or night since she’s always been exclusively nursed and never took bottles.
Any advice? My first piece of advice is to take a deep breath and let go of 95% of that anxiety. Yeah, at this age it doesn’t really matter, so 11 months, 12 months, 13 months. That’s the time when babies are really transitioning to eating more solids than milk. And we say a year, but it’s not like the day they turn one for every baby.
Right. My advice is to take advantage of the quiet times of the day to do as much nursing as you can. A good time is like when baby wakes up from a nap, stay in their room and nurse, right, keep the door shut. There’s nothing else going on. When they wake up in the morning, that’s a good time to nurse, you know?
You can offer milk before a meal, but before baby realizes it’s a meal. Right? Because at that age, if they realize it’s lunchtime, they do not care about your boobs. They’re like, I would like snacks woman. Yeah, but not the boob snacks. But if you’re anticipating it and you’re like, okay, it’s 1130, I’m gonna like, you know, make up lunch in a half an hour.
Oh, hey baby. Let’s go. Like sit on the couch, go to the place, go to the nursing place, right? My, if I want my baby to sit down and nurse, at this point, I turn on Bluey and I put it next to me, like on my side so she can like nurse and look over at Bluey while we nurse . Whatever you need to do. Does Bluey know about this?
Bluey would love this. Okay. She’s wonderful. By the way, Bluey and Bingo are girls. If you didn’t know, did not know that. So are Muffin and Sock. Everybody thinks they’re all boys. Okay. Hot tip. Yeah. Just in case. Anyway, so yeah, and, and my advice is relax and try to take advantage of the calm moments. You could also, if it really bothers you, how much baby nurses at night work on a little bit of night weaning.
We’ve talked about that in a couple of recent episodes, but that often changes. How much baby is nursing during the day, if they start nursing less at night. I love. Good luck. I love when the answer is relax and release anxiety. Yes, me too. Okay, so let’s get into these bloopers cuz we have a lot. Yeah, I think we have like over 60 stories that people sent in.
We are not gonna read them all today because wow. The number of stories submitted should tell you that these things are bound to happen. And I’m gonna keep all of these stories anonymous for obvious reasons today. And I sincerely thank everyone who shared. I’m excited. I haven’t read all of these. Well this one I’m gonna start by calling us out a little bit.
So this mishap is actually a little bit our fault, Maureen. Okay. Okay. So this this gal says I was getting my car fixed as the dealership and the Bluetooth speaker was connected to my phone. Oh, no, I are. I already had known this spat. They turned on the car to move it and it triggered my podcast to start playing, but I couldn’t hear it because I was in the lobby.
It was playing so loud over the car speaker, the podcast episode, The Dos and Don’ts of Nipple Shields. It might be my proudest moment. The look on the tech’s faces when they brought my car back around. Dot dot. Sorry. Hopefully they got some education about Nipple Shield. Love that. They’re like, where was that?
Something called a sex thing? . . Wouldn’t you like to know? Hey baby, you want me to get you a nipple shield? Oh my goodness. I have had many unfortunate moments involving Bluetooth speaker and headphone devices and things I was listening to, especially when I had it on my headphones and like didn’t realize it was still playing and it would like play on my phone out loud to everybody.
Oh, that’s really funny. I think the funniest Bluetooth story I’ve ever heard in my life was a nurse that I used to work with and her neighbor got this brand new surround sound outdoor system put in for like outdoor patio time. Mm-hmm. And this guy was older and did not realize that his computer was connected to it.
Oh no. And. Every night at about the same time, oh no. When this nurse and her husband were drinking wine on their deck, they would start to hear, Oh, oh, oh my God. Because like his porn that he was watching was going through the Bluetooth and hooking up to the patio speakers, and they were like, every night, Bob, are you kidding me?
I mean, I get it. You gotta have a little wine down. I get, you know, but maybe not over Bluetooth. Yeah. Speaker in the backyard. She’s like, how do I even address this? Oh, it has to stop. I’m happy for him, but, oh my God. Okay, you read this one.
When I first had my son, my sister was over sitting next to me on the couch watching tv. I was very engorged. My son was like a week, maybe two weeks old. I started having a letdown and didn’t notice on the side that my son was not nursing from. And the washcloth slipped down and there was a steady stream of milk going on to my sister’s leg. On her pants and it just absolutely soaked her before either of us noticed.
We always bring it up and laugh about it. Now that she has a baby of her own six years later and is nursing her, oh my gosh. Those first couple weeks of engorgement, you could, you could hit the other side of the room with those things. Half the time I have done that my, whenever my son was pestering me in the like couple days postpartum, right after my milk came in.
I would squirt him and he would run out of the room. Oh my gosh. That’s too much. Okay, you ready? Yes. I was in the middle of nursing and I was alone, so I couldn’t put the baby down. I guess I could have, but I didn’t. I don’t know why. We know why.
We know why, I couldn’t make it to the bathroom, so I pulled my pants down, put a diaper in my underwear and peed. Yes. Yes. Yes. I mean, what’s the difference between that and the diaper you wore postpartum? Come on. Yeah. I mean, accidents happen. It is what it is. You know? At least you made it into a diaper.
I’m fine with that. That’s amazing. Oh my goodness. Okay. Let’s pick. All right. Baby number two was six weeks old when we made him tag along with us to an outdoor church festival based around the Winter Olympics as it was a family event, it was chilly, but we’re in the south, so it wasn’t frigid. Baby boy was all toasty in his layers, his fleece bear suit, and the baby carrier up next to mommy.
So when I put my cover onto nurse him, a precious grandfatherly man on the church staff thought I had just covered him for warmth. I have the Baby Olay cover so the neck has a wire in it, so it keeps it open so you can see baby and up walks the sweet old man with a massive grin on his face to come see my new baby and he looks straight down inside the cover
And his face turned red and he apologized profusely. But honestly, you know, the bear suit kind of covered most of anything. Anyway, it didn’t bother me, but for like three months at church, he turned beat red when he saw me. Oh my, my god. It’s crazy. Can imagine him coming over to like literally peek inside and he sticks his whole head in there.
That’s so. Oh, I love that. And the fact that it’s a church event too. Perfect. Even better. Perfect. Okay. This one says my husband was in a stage where he was always taking pictures of me and my daughter. I wish my husband would get mercy. Seriously. I had a cancer diagnosis right after I had her. He tried to capture everything for us.
I had just finished nursing her and we were playing on the couch. She was laughing and it was a really cute and warm moment. He thought so as well and sent the picture to both of our families. I asked him to send it to me later, and it turns out I’d forgotten to put lefty away. Thank God no one mentioned it.
We are all healthy and happy now, but he knows to double check any pics for nip slips or whole boob slips. Seriously though, oh my God, whenever, whenever people ask me to take pictures like right postpartum for them. I try really hard to not include anything like that, cuz I know no one’s thinking about it when they’re like, I’m gonna send grandma this picture of you and the baby.
I’m like, should I like cover up the nipple so you don’t accidentally send grandma like a full frontal, a full frontal as you’re like naked on the bed postpartum. Oh my gosh. That’s great. I have a story to add. Not me, but a client of mine. This was like early pandemic, right? Everyone was just learning Zoom.
Mm-hmm, she was breastfeeding and their church moved to Zoom, right? Oh God. First time she used it, she sit in topless on her bed, breastfeeding and she logs in and her camera automatically turns on and she had no idea, that Zoom was a two-way camera situation. Oh Lord. And you know, she was a little late to the service.
So also lots of people were already there. Oh my gosh, that’s so hilarious. I think she said she like threw her laptop off the bed. It’s worth it. She just was so shocked. Anyway, guys, Jesus take the, now we all know three years later, don’t go to church. How do you use. Oh gosh. All right. This one says, when I was first learning how to breastfeed, I was not very discreet at all.
Yeah. Like took my whole shirt off and everything because it was so hard. Get it? My husband had to duct tape a towel to cover the window on our. Front door. But when I needed to nurse baby around my dad, he coming from a place of respect, would try to give me privacy. And one day in the middle of the day as I was about to nurse, he got up and said, I’m gonna go floss.
So now it’s an ongoing joke in my family when I’m nursing baby, someone says I gotta go floss almost 14 months in. And I’m still not all that discreet, to be honest. I feel like that’s your new family code word for when you like just are leaving a situation. Yeah, or like I have to. Yeah, just leave.
Everybody gets it. Flossing is very personal too. I mean, I’d almost rather nurse a baby in front of someone than floss in front of them. I do not ever wanna floss in front of anybody. That sounds horrible. My husband is a crazy flosser. He, I can’t watch, I can’t watch, don’t do it either. He does both sides at the same time.
Oh my God. I don’t even know how he does that. It makes me feel like vomiting, dunno. Like he takes it in like a, a long line and just goes down both canines on the bottom. Like I’m like, oh my God, just do one side at a time. Flossing is such like a sensory nightmare for me that like even watching other people do, it makes me feel bad.
Yeah, I can’t. I’m with ya. And I’m with her dad. Okay, next one. Let’s see. All right. I went to the movies last week. I nursed in the theater and then I was parched, so I went to get a drink. I noticed a few prolonged stairs after the third person I looked down and my nursing hoodie flap was up. You know, the kind with the big circles around the boobs.
I wasn’t exposed cause I did have a tank top on, but I’m sure those men were wondering what kind of kinky fashion I was sporting. and then she posted the gif of the mean girls for Regina George with the holes cut outta the boobs of the tank top. Yeah. The white beater with the, the purple bra under underneath where she’s just like, oh well, and then everyone starts doing it.
Yeah. I’ve absolutely done that. Where I like left, like the nursing shirt kind of open and like the, my bra was on and whatever, but it was just like, mm-hmm. Kind of weird looking. Yeah. You’re just like, you didn’t mean to do that. Yeah. Oh gosh. Well these are so good, but we’re gonna take a quick break to thank a couple sponsors and when we get back we’re gonna tell you some more entertaining breastfeeding mishaps to make your day.
Let’s take a quick break to thank our sponsor Aeroflow. Aeroflow is your one stop shop to get the most popular breast pumps and accessories through your insurance. Yeah, so don’t let your insurance go to waste. Why don’t you let Aeroflow do all the dirty work for you? You never have to call your insurance when you use Aeroflow.
And they remind you when you’re eligible for free replacement parts. Yep. So when you’re tired in your postpartum period and you’re wondering why your pump isn’t working as well, you might get a text that says, did you know you need replacement parts? And you say, I did not know that. Right. You push a button and boom, they show up at your door.
Thanks, Aeroflow. Thank you so much. Go ahead and check out the link to Aeroflow in our show notes and order your pump through them.
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Oh, you’re allowed to look good and feel good about yourself while wearing a nursing bra? Absolutely. And they offer sizes up to a 52 G. Oh, amazing. I’m so glad a company has finally realized that a DUP is not a large. Absolutely. And I, it’s so affirming to feel included in sizing and not feel like I’m asking for too much that clothing fits my body.
Well, what else do we get? Well, if you guys follow the link in our show notes, you can use the code Milk Minute at checkout for free shipping on all domestic orders. Oh, thank you so much. Dairy. Absolutely. Once again, that’s the link in our show notes and use the code Milk Minute for free shipping on all domestic orders.
Okay, welcome back everybody. I hope you got your giggle box ready. So here we go. This girl says, oh man, I think I was two weeks postpartum when for some reason I went to a Keung class. It was my first kid, I don’t know. Yeah, so it’s a small class, just me, the instructor, and two men. We start doing this deep breathing exercise with our eyes closed, and one of the others is like ma’am, I looked down and I had let down and completely soaked two big milky circles around each boob, like drenched, if I remember right. I just left and went back home to my baby. Keung. The funniest part of that is not the letdown, it’s that she was like going to a keong class, two weeks postpartum. I mean, we all we’re trying the weirdest stuff with our first babies.
We’re all just trying. We just tried way too hard, seriously. All right, next. I was nursing the baby on my porch once when he was like three months old, and the Amazon guy showed up. I went to the fence to grab the package and had a whole conversation about my baby, his twin’s life, et cetera. Five or so minutes later, when he left, I realized I had no shirt on and way too small of a nursing bra cuz my boobs.
Became super massive after my milk came in. Shout out to Tony the Amazon driver for being so cool. I mean, my God, like the sleep deprivation. At that point you just like walk up completely butt ass naked to get your packages and you’re like, dude, I don’t know. I thank goodness I, the only neighbors that are close to us are like good friends of ours.
So when Lyra was like two months old, Ivan had to go out of town to work for a whole month. And there was some point my neighbor Jesse knocked on the door. It was probably cuz like his kid wanted to play with mine. And I opened it literally just in underwear, nursing the baby. And I was just like, Hey, what’s up?
This is what is happening today. I have not had a husband for like a week and my house is a disaster. You wanna take my kid? That would be great. Yeah. And he’s like, I’ll take Griffin and see you later. Yep. He was unfazed his too good. Yeah. My husband, whenever I would get up to go answer the door for the FedEx guy, he’d be like your boobs out.
Check your boob. Thanks cash. Always have our best interest at heart. Yep. He’s got my front, my back. All right, so this girl says, we temporarily lived in an apartment above my partner’s family business, a real estate office. I was an exclusive pumper and when my son was first born, I would set my pump on our coffee table in our living room to pump directly above my father and brother-in-law’s office.
They thought the vibrations they were hearing were in service of something other than pumping my breast milk. My God, my brother-in-law had a few drinks on our family vacation and spilled the beans on what they thought. I was up to every two to three hours newly postpartum while looking after a newborn on my own at that and said, I just thought you were being really healthy.
That is such a typical man thing to do. It really is because masturbating, like 12 times a day would be like their idea of healthy. They’re like, I don’t know. She had that baby and she just couldn’t stop touching herself. Yeah. Yeah. We all feel that way. Yes. So rhythmic, pulsating, truly, no. Let me tell y’all, nobody uses the pulsating setting on your vibrator.
We just all go right for the because we don’t have time. We just don’t. Do not have the time. We don’t have the time. Oh my God. I love that one. Oh, I’m gonna cry. Okay. Whew. Get it together. Okay. I went to a brew fest when my son was about seven months old. Good for you. I pumped under my nursing cover while sitting at a table by myself.
Random guy comes over and starts trying to hit on me. Eventually he asked why I didn’t get up to get another beer, and I said, because I’m pumping. Then my husband came and sat next to me and the guy had had enough embarrassment and left. I’m shocked. He knew what that was like. Yeah. That he actually knew what you meant when you were like, sorry dude, I’m pumping.
But honestly, girl, you still got it. I know. That’s great. Like feel flattered. Yeah. That’s great. I would’ve loved that actually. Absolutely. I would’ve given him a little squirt.
I’m kind of naughty like that though. Okay, so this one says, when baby boy was in the NICU I would sometimes pump by his bedside. One time I popped on the flanges and turned on the pump, and a few minutes later I felt wetness in my lap, in my postpartum nicu. Mom fog. I’d forgotten to hook up the bottles and had a nice puddle of milk all over my pants.
And of course I had no other clothes to change into. Dude, we’ve all been there. That sucks. I, my neighbor told me about that one day, cuz we both had babies of the same age and she was like, I just, I looked down and I realized why my feet were wet. It was my milk. So annoying. Yeah, I’ve done that before where I’ve been like, oh, I don’t have bottles.
What am I gonna do? I guess Ziploc bags. I, I guess. So annoying. Let me set the scene for you. It was our first day back from the hospital. My milk was just in and I was focused on collecting every single precious drop for my newborn. My sister brings over my three-year-old niece to meet the new baby.
Everyone’s having a lovely night. I finish pumping. A whole one of those little bottles they give you in the hospital. A huge, huge feat at the time. Go to use the bathroom. Feeling great. I’ll have that milk on him, you know, after nursing, baby later, get back to the couch and my niece has her head back.
Chugging the freshly pumped milk like it is fine wine. Oh my God, girl. She was like, thanks auntie. Oh man, for this little shot of milk, I don’t even know like that. Haha. But also, but also like I’m postpartum rage. Like I would’ve get your fucking kid outta. A hundred percent would be sobbing on the floor after that.
Be like, good Lord. Oh really? Oh, you’re just gonna let your kid jug my breast milk? Yeah, that would be rough. That would be rough. Okay, this is the last one. Sadly. This one says, my grandma has someone from the church come over and give her communion every week. Wow. I was sitting on the couch nursing my son to sleep when she came.
As I was talking to her about her new grandchild, I looked down to notice my nipple hanging out and my son fast asleep, not latched. I flashed a woman of God. You know what? How many, how many paintings of Mary breastfeeding Jesus have you seen? Jesus definitely breastfed, bazillion of ’em. You’re fine.
You’re good to go. God loves it. Yeah, and if she doesn’t, She does. I dunno. Okay. These were great. I had a really good time. Absolutely. This is very funny. We needed a little lighthearted thing for April Fools. If you guys loved this and laugh so hard, you peed your pants a little bit, let us know. Maybe we’ll do another blooper reel for you cuz we all need like a little bit of laughter.
We do. We really do. All right well let’s take a quick break and then we’ll do our award in the Alcove.
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That’s actually 15% of breast milk that your baby will then be able to utilize. Whereas if you don’t have the bacteria. There’s so much extra in the gut, which is why American babies poop like 10 times a day more than babies that are colonized with B. infantis. I have personally seen this probiotic help my baby and the babies of many of my clients, and frankly, if we’re dealing with any of these symptoms, it is the first thing I go to.
And the best part is it’s not like any other probiotic that we would take when we’re sick or taking antibiotics where you take it every time you go through antibiotics for the rest of your life. If you give your baby Evivo in the first a hundred days of life, it actually colonizes in their gut and becomes a part of their immune system, which then they can pass to the next generation.
And this is how we make change. Y’all, Evivo is amazing because it’s gonna safeguard your baby’s health today and give you peace of mind in the future. Check out Evivo probiotics. Through the link in our show notes and enter code MILKMINUTE for $10 off.
Oh. Hey friend. Oh hey. Welcome back. Here’s an award for you. You ready? Yeah, I’m ready. This award goes to Susie Halverson from our Facebook group. Susie says my exclusively breastfed five month old daughter finally started taking bottles at daycare after a month. She now loves the bottle and the boobies now to get control of the nipple biting when she is distracted.
Yes. Big feat Susie. My goodness. I’m giving you the Persnickety Payoff Award because my goodness, what a finicky situation. Some of these babies are persnickety as heck. Yeah. And they’re just not easy to deal with. So, good job. It sounds like you guys are doing some amazing stuff. Yes, absolutely.
And we’ll close with an Apple Review and we read every single one and they really do help the show. So thank you so much for writing in. This is from Rural Midwife and the title is Grateful Midwife. Thank you so much for this podcast. As a cpm, I have greatly appreciated your podcast and all I’ve learned.
I only have basic breastfeeding training, and this has been quite helpful to keep up my learning on how to educate and better serve my clients. And I love referring episodes for them to listen. Aw, thanks babes. We love that. Yes. I love helping other midwives out. That’s dream because then it’s exponential.
Yeah. You know, then they tell clients who tell friends. Exactly. It’s wonderful. It’s a dream. Thank you for spreading it. Yeah. Thanks for listening. And you know, we just became BFFs, so it’s fine. Yeah. The way we change this big system that’s not set up for breastfeeding families is to educate ourselves, laugh at ourselves, laugh at our friends, and with our friends.
Mm-hmm and definitely laugh at our partners. If you guys just laugh so hard to pee your pants this episode, please consider joining our Patreon. For as little as 25 cents an episode, you can help us make this podcast hilarious and informative and happen every week. patreon.com/milk minute podcast.
All right, everyone. Thank you so much and have a happy April Fool’s Day. Bye. Besties.
